The Good Times Are Killing Me
by TonySnark729
Summary: Sequel to Face Down. After a familiar friend bails Hermione out, she learns that both of them have dark secrets that are hesitant to share with the other. Can they both swallow their pride and buck up the courage to reveal their secrets to each other?
1. Secrets Abound

**A/N:** So here is the sequel to Face Down. As I promised, there will be more Dramione going on and I do apologize for the long wait. I'd like to say thank you to my reviewers that kept reading Face Down, even if they did not like what was happening to certain characters.

Also, I just want to forewarn you that this fanfic may not have 100% magical elements in it. That is to say, that someone, witch or wizard, might smoke cigarettes. If this happens, it means I did it on purpose and I am already fully aware that this action is OOC for the person who is smoking the said cigarettes. On this note, you might keep your unpleasant comments to yourself if you're just going to thrash me on being OOC. Just saying.

**Rating:** _M for violence, language, possible self destructive behavior later on. I'm telling you know because I don't want to remind you when it's about to happen. Be careful if you get triggered easily. Read at your own risk._

Okay, okay. I'm done now.

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><p>Chapter One: Secrets Abound<p>

. . .

"I never thought I'd ever see you in here, Hermione."

The voice woke Hermione up from her sleep, never having heard anyone speak directly to her since she arrived here about five days ago. She felt her heart jump into her throat as she instantly recognized who was speaking to her.

"Me either. I suppose they told you what I did?" Hermione asked the man standing in front of her jail cell.

He leaned against the bars and smirked slyly at her. "Found out from Ginny. Apparently, you killed them both without cause."

Hermione could feel her blood boiling at the sound of her name. She would never forgive her for what she did. "I can't believe that lying bitch," she spoke softly, shaking her head in incredulity. "Of all people, I expected her to be with me in doing what I did."

Hermione heard Draco laugh a little and she felt a twinge of resentment towards him. "Did you honestly think she'd be with you in killing her brother, Hermione? Since you left the school, she's held a pretty mean grudge. How are you fairing in here?"

She looked up at him and chuckled, letting that answer his question. Hermione ran a hand through her oily hair and stood up before walking towards him. "I haven't eaten in days, been given only water, no phone call, no social interaction of any kind… how do you think I'm fairing in here? What are you doing here anyway?"

Draco's expression softened now and he sighed, obviously feeling uncomfortable with showing vulnerability or sympathy towards her. "I'm here to… post your bail. It's a lot, but… I can easily afford it."

She placed her fingers around the cold steel bars that separated them and bit her lip, silent for a few moments before she then searched his stormy grey eyes. "What's in it for you?"

He raised an eyebrow and looked at her dirty hands that held the bar, he assumed for support from her dizziness. "Excuse me?"

"Draco, I don't want you to post my bail because you think it's a noble thing for you to do. I don't want it to be one of those deals where later on, I don't want to do something that you want to do, and then you hold posting my bail against me. I don't want to be in your debt," Hermione replied softly, sighing to herself, secretly wishing that she could reach out and touch something warm.

Draco seemed to sense her discomfort because he reached in and gently took her cold hand in his warm one and held it, quiet for awhile before he looked from her soft hand to her tired eyes. "You won't. I want to do this because I know that you did what you had to do in the circumstances that were given to you," he spoke calmly and sincerely. "I hate what Ginny did to you, making it seem like it wasn't in self defense, and… I know I don't know the entire story, but… I'm hoping that if I post your bail, then you'll fill me in a bit," Draco finished, his voice laced with the tone of hope.

Hermione's first instinct when he took her hand was to retract it, but once he spoke, she couldn't think of anything else; his touch had entranced her completely and it felt… human to feel someone else's warmth. She hesitated for a few seconds but then reluctantly nodded; she was afraid that if she told him everything, that Draco would become angry at her. What if he thought that she had brought it all upon herself, bouncing around from Ron, to Draco, and back to Ron? She was afraid to take the chance of him turning against her like Ginny did.

"Why? Why are you doing this, after everything… after how I treated you? Don't get me wrong, but… I know I deserve to be in here. I don't… deserve to be happy," Hermione nearly whispered, but still searching his eyes pleadingly for an answer.

Draco let go of her hand and shook his head, sadness in his eyes now. "You're wrong, Hermione… you're wrong about everything. Just because we've had our problems, it doesn't mean that you deserve to rot in jail. I want to do this because you're my friend and… it's almost Christmas. I think everyone deserves another chance around Christmastime."

Hermione nodded appreciatively and smiled weakly. "What about school? I know I'm expelled but you still have at least six more months until you graduate."

Draco laughed and looked away before he finally smiled. "Well, being that two students that the whole school knew were both murdered a week ago, they've decided to break early for Christmas and bring everyone back in three weeks," he smirked. "I thought that we could spend that time at my house."

Hermione swallowed and felt like there was a sharp twisted ball in her stomach. "Spend Christmas together at your Manor?" She asked unsurely.

He rolled his eyes and chortled. "Did I say the Manor? No, we'd be staying at my _house._ It's in Hogsmeade, so it's not like we'd be far from the school when it did start up again."

"I…I can't, Draco…"

"Oh don't be so humble, Hermione. You're not a serial killer for God's sake; they were hurting you and Ginny and you were just protecting the two of you. It was self defense, and it's not your fault that Ginny's brainwashed most everyone in believing that you were plotting their murders from the get-go," Draco said in a tone that no longer sounded easy-going and patient.

She bit her lip and was about to look down when she had heard the key word in his statement. "M-Most everyone? Who…Who doesn't believe her?"

His eyes became stern and she watched him lick his lips once. "I think you know who, Hermione. I'm the one still in the dark, you know."

She sighed, not wanting to fight with him when she was so close to finally being out of jail. "I'm sorry, Draco. Just… get me out and I promise I'll let you in on what I've been too afraid to tell you, just like we agreed earlier."

Draco ran a hand through his hair and nodded, his eyes no longer cold and firm. He waved a guard over and handed him the bail money. Hermione watched eagerly as the guard unlocked her cell and stepped aside so she could walk out. She glanced at Draco and then started to walk down the cell block towards the exit.

As they walked, Hermione felt her heartbeat quicken as the other men in the cells whistled and cat-called her, some of them even making daring grabs out of the bars. Draco placed a protective hand on the small of Hermione's back and gently pushed her to move faster.

"Don't worry about them. Just keep moving…"

Hermione nodded obediently, having no intentions of stopping and asking any of them to be pen pals. When they were finally outside, she had to squint at first to get her eyes used to being out in daylight again. She slowly opened them again and when she had regained her vision properly, she looked over and found Draco staring at her.

"What, what's wrong?"

For the first time since Hermione didn't remember when, he was looking genuinely worried. "From the looks of it, I'd say you. You never answered my offer of staying with me until after the holiday."

Hermione was surprised at the abrupt change in subject but she nodded. "Yeah… umm, I'll stay, if you don't mind."

"I don't mind at all. I just wanted to know where you stood," Draco replied coolly before he took her hand and Disapparated with her, shortly landing in Hogsmeade out of sight of the castle.

Hermione looked around after almost reluctantly letting go of his rough hand. It looked like they were behind the pubs in Hogsmeade but it wasn't so far away that she couldn't see the people out and about, moving from one store to the next. She shivered absentmindedly, only now remembering that all her belongings were still at the castle.

"Do you think Professor McGonagall would… frown upon me being out of jail and back in the school? I don't have any clothes…"

Draco rubbed the back of his neck and looked apprehensively towards the direction of the school. "Last time I was there, Pomfrey was trying to persuade the old bat to let you back in but… she's too set in her ways. I think she's just trying to do what's best for the school and doesn't want to be considered bias, because of who you are. She probably thinks that if she lets you in again, then it might be thought of as favoritism. I don't know; we'll get new clothes tomorrow."

"No, I'm not going to use your money just to get me clothes that are at the school," she said persistently. "You already posted my bail. I couldn't have asked for anything more."

Draco sighed and laughed before he ushered her into the three story house that had cobblestone siding on the outside and looked rather small. On the inside, Hermione wasn't surprised how large it was on the inside, considering what the Malfoy Manor looked like. Upon entering, she was also surprised to find that it was actually warm inside the dark house.

He leaned over and flicked a switch, soon illuminating what looked to be the living room. Hermione looked at him and smirked herself now. "What happened, did your wand break?"

Draco shrugged. "I've been using magic for six years. I find it mundane after awhile. It's not that much of a hassle to use muggle appliances."

"Wow, I never thought I'd see the day when you invested in muggle appliances," Hermione replied, thoroughly impressed. "Do you use magic for anything?"

Draco walked into the living room and waved his wand to start a fire in the fireplace before turning to her. "Sometimes, for time consuming things. You have to be starving. What do you want to eat?"

Hermione smiled softly, feeling flattered that he was being so kind and considerate to her. "Umm, I can eat whatever. Just make whatever you want. I could eat anything right now."

Draco nodded and then walked into the kitchen, pulling out pans and bowls. He started making what looked to be pancakes and eggs. "Go ahead and shower if you want. It's going to be awhile…"

She could feel herself turning red at this offer and she bit her lip nervously. "Umm… I-I would but… I don't… have any clothes," Hermione stammered.

He said a non-burning spell and waved his wand slowly before he walked over to Hermione and chuckled. "Right, follow me then."

Hermione followed him up the wooden staircase and then down a hall. She saw Draco enter a small room at the very end, but didn't go with him, feeling like it was a private room that he didn't want her to see. He hadn't spent two minutes inside the room before she saw him reappear with a pair of grey sweatpants. Grateful that she had followed her instincts to stay where she was, she smiled and took the sweatpants from him and examined them.

"A little small for you, aren't they?" Hermione joked, seeing that they could fit a girl that was either eleven or had a natural, small frame.

The color from Draco's face seemed to disappear and he avoided her eyes as he started for the stairs again. "The bathroom's just there. Take your time; there's no real rush," he said calmly but icily at the same time.

Sensing that she had crossed the line, she bit her lip and started towards the bathroom and closed the door, undressing so she could shower. Once she pulled off the grungy clothes onto the floor, she stepped cautiously into the shower and then began washing off the grime and grit off her skin and from her hair. She soon finished and dried herself off and hand washed her underclothes before putting them on again, vowing to buy some more as soon as possible.

With a forced effort, she stepped into the soft sweatpants, amazed at how perfect they fit her body and at the same time she was curious how he had gotten them. Were they a pair of his ex's clothes? If they were, then Hermione decided that she would definitely need to get a pair of her own.

Hermione dried her hair and brushed it out before she realized that she hadn't even bothered to ask for a clean shirt. She wrapped her towel around her front and threw the dirty clothes in the hamper before she walked out and started towards the room that she had seen Draco come back out of. She turned the light on and looked around; it certainly looked like the room of a young girl. It was colored in light pink paint and even had a bed with pink bed covers. She walked over to the dresser and began to open and close drawers as she rummaged for a shirt of some kind.

"What are you doing in here?"

She froze, not even having heard Draco's footsteps on the landings. She turned around and found her tongue frozen to her mouth as she tightened the towel around her top.

"I… I just… I-I needed a shirt - "

Draco stormed over to her and slammed all the drawers closed before closing in on her. "What were you doing? What gave you the right to come in here?"

She started to back out slowly, unable to find reasons behind her actions. "I-I'm sorry! I… I didn't think -" Hermione spoke but Draco cut across her.

"That's right! You didn't think! Get out of here!"

Hermione ran into the bathroom now and closed the door, forcing back tears. She had never seen Draco so angry, even when he had been upset at her for not telling him what Ron had done. The look in his eyes scared her more than his yelling. She realized that there was probably a good chance that he was going to kick her out now. At this thought, Hermione had to swallow back a sob. Where would go? What would she do? She'd be homeless and living on the streets, doing Merlin knows what.

She sat down on the closed toilet seat and took a deep breath, her heart pounding hard against her ribcage in anticipation. She stayed inside the room for what felt like an hour, but knew it had only been ten minutes. Hermione jumped suddenly when she heard a door slam, and then the sound of a lock turn and then footsteps. She looked down at her hands as she heard the bathroom doorknob turn and Draco appear in the doorway, holding a tee shirt that obviously belonged to him.

"I'm sorry, Hermione. I… I shouldn't have yelled like that. You were… just in a place that I didn't want you to be,"

She wasn't really sure what to say so she remained silent.

Draco walked over to her and handed her the shirt. "You… you can wear that until we can buy you some new clothes," he said gently. "I know it's really big but… it's better than nothing."

She had so many questions for him but knew it wasn't the right time to ask him. Hermione saw him turn around and decided to change quickly, a part of her thankful that he at least had the decency to turn around in the first place.

She dropped the towel and let it fall to the floor before she slipped the large Quidditch team shirt over her head and straightened it out. "T-Thank you," she stammered quietly, afraid that she already put herself on his bad side.

He nodded and turned to face her, his eyes no longer filled with rage, but looked relatively calm now. "I don't want us to fight like we did at the school, Hermione. I want to be able to trust you again. I know… that I obviously am hiding something from you too, but I think we should take things slow this time, give us time to ease into things again. You tell me what I don't already know about Ron, and… I-I'll tell you about my secret."

Hermione felt unsure what to say or do. She was overly curious about the room and already realized how much it affected Draco. She ran a hand through her damp hair, her insides twisting uncomfortably still. "O-Okay," she whispered, almost inaudibly.

"Good. Breakfast is ready whenever you are," he said, almost as quietly before he turned on his heel and started out of the bathroom rather quickly before his footsteps pounded down the stairs.

Hermione stood up again and cleaned up after herself before she also exited the bathroom, the smell of hot coffee, pancakes, toast and eggs invaded her nostrils and suddenly, somehow, relaxed her once again. She sat down at the place at the table that held a plate of food with a mug of coffee off to the top right.

"It looks really good. Are you going to have any?" Hermione inquired, noticing that he didn't have a plate in front of him.

Draco shook his head and then gave a weak smile. He searched her face and sighed before running a hand through his hair. "I'm not hungry."

She just nodded in understanding and took a bite of her pancakes before sipping her coffee, feeling awkward that he was sitting there watching her eat. When she glanced over at him, it looked like he had something that he wanted to say but the words didn't come out. Hermione bit her lip and turned to him.

"Let's just… start over. I'm sorry that I went into that room. I should've asked you for one of your shirts or something.

At this suggestion, Draco seemed to relax a little and he wrapped his fingers around the warm cup of his own coffee. "I'm sorry for yelling. I… I overreacted and lost my head. How about tomorrow, we put the tree up and decorate it?"

She grinned wide. "You have a Christmas tree?"

"Of course I have a tree. I haven't… decorated it in awhile, but… if you'd like, we can do that tomorrow. Does that sound alright?"

Hermione seemed at a loss for words, surprised that he actually decorated for the holidays. True, Draco wasn't a totally cold, unfeeling monster, but it just seemed out of his character to like to decorate anything for any reason.

"Yeah, that sounds great, Draco," she answered, hiding her excitement now. It had been forever since she had been home for a Christmas so her parents rarely decorated anymore.

The two continued talking and Hermione continued eating, satisfying her hunger for food and conversation. She laughed, forgetting about the mishap earlier and forgetting about the agreement they settled to tell each other what they've been withholding from the other. Once Hermione finished eating, she rubbed her eyes tiredly.

"I'll clean up here. You go on upstairs and take a nap; I bet you haven't slept well in your jail cell," Draco said, already grabbing her empty plate.

She smiled softly at him. "Thank you. Are you sure I can't do anything to help you clean up first though?"

Draco chuckled and shook his head. "Go, you stubborn girl! I got this. Go on up and sleep in my room."

Hermione smiled brighter and put her hands up in defeat. "Okay, fine. I'm going right now."

She walked up the stairs and soon found Draco's bedroom. The walls were painted a dark blue color and there was a large, four poster bed against one of the walls. She pulled back the covers and crawled into the comfy bed, instantly feeling comfort at the feel and smell of clean sheets. Hermione guessed that Draco had been planning her stay here for awhile. She curled up in the wide bed and as soon as her head hit the pillow, she felt herself succumb to it and quickly fall asleep.

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><p><em><strong>Let me know what ya'll think! :)<strong> _


	2. A Secret Revealed

**A/N**: I just edited a few errors. No need to read it again if you already have.

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><p>Chapter Two: A Secret Revealed<p>

. . .

Hermione woke up the next morning to the sound of knocking. Her heart jumped in her throat, automatically assuming the worst; McGonagall found out that Draco had posted her bail and wanted her back in jail. She could faintly hear voices and then arguing. It was this that made her get out of bed and hurry down the stairs to see Ginny looking dangerously at Draco.

"Get out of here! Now!"

"No, because you should know what you're getting yourself into! She might try to kill you too!"

Hermione couldn't believe that these words were coming out of Ginny's mouth, although at this point, she wasn't surprised. She hurried in between a frustrated looking Draco and a vicious Ginny. She first turned her attention on Draco and looked at him with soft, pleading eyes.

"I'll deal with this, Draco," she said gently. "It's okay."

He gave one last angry glance at Ginny before he started up the stairs and slammed the bathroom door upstairs. She could feel her hands shaking with rage as she now focused on what she was forced to call her ex friend.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Ginny scoffed and shook her head. "You really are dumber than you look, Hermione. You killed my brother, and the guy I love!"

She looked into Ginny's eyes, hoping that if she stared at her hard enough, Ginny would just blow up. "The guy you love…? He was going to rape you! I can't believe that you would be on their side, after everything! You were with me on our plan to do what I did! You agreed!"

Ginny walked threateningly over to Hermione and shot her a cold, dark look. "It was my brother's fault. He brainwashed Harry and you know damn well that if Ron hadn't said those things to him, then Harry never would've done it! It was all your idea, killing the two of them. Did you honestly think I wouldn't mind if you killed my own goddamn brother? And Harry, Jesus Christ, Hermione! I really did love him…"

"That's such bullshit, Ginny! You never even made a move on him until last year! And then he called it all off. I was there! I saw the fucking look on your face when he was trying to rape you! I know that Ron had a part in it but… come on, Gin. Harry helped in..." Hermione paused and glanced upstairs to make sure that Draco was still taking his shower. "raping me. He was the bastard holding my damn arms up so I couldn't push your fucking brother off of me!"

Ginny came closer to Hermione and with clenched jaws, suddenly slapped Hermione so hard that she felt her head whip to the side. "You fucking cunt. You deserved it," she said icily before she walked out of the door and grabbed a suitcase before throwing it inside the house. "There's your shit!"

Hermione watched the suitcase fly inside and then jumped slightly as the door slammed shut behind Ginny when she was finally gone. She took a deep breath and kneeled beside the suitcase, unzipping it and seeing all her belongings from the castle inside, including her clothes. She zipped it back up and then dragged it up the stairs, feeling her cheek still hot from the blow.

She dropped it in the hallway outside Draco's room and then walked inside the bedroom, hearing the water turn off in the closed bathroom. She had only been gone a few minutes but Ginny's words ran on repeat inside Hermione's head: _You deserved it._ Maybe she was right. Maybe she did deserve to be raped. Then why was she here, in this room? Why was she waiting for Draco to finish showering?

Hermione bit her lip and sat on the bed, looking down at her hands. Maybe she wanted someone to tell her differently, to hear from someone else that what Ron had done to her was wrong and what she had done to him was right. She knew it was sick, but she needed reassurance.

"I'm sorry, Hermione," Draco said as he came out wearing a towel around his waist, standing in front of her. "I was trying my best to kick her back out."

She just shook her head, trying to tell him that it wasn't his fault. She continued to stare down at her hands, contemplating. "She gave me my things from the school."

Draco reached over and gently ran his fingers over her reddened cheek. "Looks like she gave you that too. What did she say to you?"

Hermione felt her stomach give a lurch as she felt his fingers touch her cheek. "Nothing important, but… I-I want to tell you what happened to me, Draco," she said softly, finally looking up at him.

He seemed to recognize the importance of this situation because he sat down next to her on the bed and focused his attention on her. "Go ahead. I'm listening," he replied, neither of them seeming to care that he was still just in his towel.

She went on to tell him everything; she told him about Ron raping her while Harry held her down. She told Draco about the entire scene in the classroom and told him about how Harry had tried to rape Ginny. Hermione told Draco everything and when she was done, she searched his grey eyes, hoping to find some comfort in them.

Draco exhaled a breath that he seemed to have been holding as she talked and then ran a hand through his damp hair. He was quiet for awhile and he looked back at her, as if he was trying to make sense of it all, or perhaps he was trying to find the right thing to say. It took him a few more minutes, but he finally spoke.

"It's… a good thing you killed them, Hermione. If you hadn't, I would've," Draco spoke in a serious voice.

She looked back down at her hands, feeling nervous. "Don't say that, Draco. I wouldn't have wanted you to be expelled. Better me than you."

Silence again for what felt like ages. "I'm… really sorry that Ron r-raped you. I wish more than anything in the world that I could take it back, what he did."

Hermione shrugged half-heartedly before looking back up at him again. "Thank you. That really means a lot to me, Draco, but… it was my own damn fault. I was stupid, walking alone at night like I did…"

Draco placed both his hands gently on either side of her face and tenderly caressed her skin with his thumbs, simultaneously forcing her to look at his eyes. "Listen to me, Hermione. What happened to you could have happened to any girl who was walking that same corridor at night. Ron just already had it in for you so you were an easy target for him. This was not your fault. This was Ron and Harry's fault. They did this to you."

Hermione could feel tears fill her eyes and she forced her head away so he wouldn't notice them. She got what she wanted, so why was she feeling like this?

"G-Ginny said that I… I deserved it, that I deserved what they did to me…"

Draco took her in his arms and unexpectedly picked Hermione up before he placed her on his lap so he was now holding her against his chest. She wrapped her small arms around his neck gently and breathed him in. An amazing feeling of safety and security filled her up and seemed to surround her in a bubble, making her feel invincible.

"No, you don't. You didn't deserve to be brutally raped or beaten, Hermione. No one does," Draco said, stroking Hermione's hair soothingly. "Don't listen to anything that she tells you. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for. You're stronger than she will ever be, and I'll never tell you differently."

She melted into his strong body, closing her eyes as she nodded against the nape of his neck. Hermione had never been this close to Draco, physically or emotionally, but she felt herself feeling things for him that she hadn't felt before now.

"Thank you so much, Draco. I was… terrified how you would react after I told you. I'm really glad I did though."

He leaned in and kissed her forehead before he brought her face up and searched her eyes with his own conflicted ones now. "You… you never told me what happened after he raped you. I mean, as far as… are you…?" Draco bit his lip, unable to put his question into words that didn't make him sound uncaring or cold.

Hermione instantly knew what he was trying to ask though and she shook her head, kicking herself mentally for forgetting the most important part in the whole situation. "No… Madam Pomfrey did a contraception spell to make sure that I wouldn't be pregnant,"

At this, Draco seemed to relax in relief a bit. Hermione still stayed in his arms before she heard him speak again. "At the school, right after I… I killed Harry and Ron… Madam Pomfrey was the only one on my side, and she tried to talk sense to Professor McGonagall. She tried to tell her about me doing what I did in self defense, but… McGonagall just believed everything that Ginny told her."

Draco placed a hand on her legs and gently thumbed the spot there. "Let's stop talking about Ginny, okay? I'm really grateful that you're not pregnant, but… I don't care about her. I care about you."

Hermione breathed her own sigh of relief and nodded. She searched his face, feeling the need to feel the comfort she wanted to feel some other way. She knew Draco cared about her, and his words comforted her but there was another longing that she wanted to feel from him. She leaned in and started to kiss him softly, wrapping her arms around him tighter and then positioned herself so her legs were on either side of him and she was facing him.

Draco kissed her back for awhile and placed his hands on her hips before he ran one through her hair again, kissing her deeply, but lovingly as well. They continued like this for several minutes before Hermione then took her shirt off, revealing her cream colored bra as she straddled him. No sooner had she taken the shirt off, Draco gently grabbed her hands and looked up at her.

"Are you sure you want to do this so soon after… you were raped? We don't have to do this now. We can wait, Hermione."

She searched his face and bit her lip, feeling slightly embarrassed of her intentions but also not wanting him to get the wrong idea. "D-Draco… I feel something for you and… I really like you. I don't want to have sex because it might mean something more to you than it does me. I want to have sex because…. I trust you, and… I want to forget about all the shit that's happened."

Draco nodded in understanding and he caressed her small stomach with his fingers. "Is there anything particular you want me to do or… be for you?"

Hermione kissed his lips softly and looked at him with chestnut colored eyes. "Can you be gentle?"

Draco nodded again and kissed her temple. "Of course, Hermione. That was going to be a given anyway," he whispered, his breath on her ear.

She started kissing him passionately before he gently laid her down on the bed and planted kisses down her neck and then to her chest, each one as soft as the next. Hermione smiled, running her fingers through his hair as his kisses trailed down to her stomach and his fingers found her sweatpants.

Draco untied the string and delicately pulled them down before taking them off each leg, throwing the sweatpants on the floor before his hands trailed her skin again. She could feel goosebumps rising up as his fingers slipped underneath her panties and then brought it down to her knees and off her legs. She blushed slightly, feeling exposed as her heart pounded against her chest, watching him with interest. He took his towel off and then moved in closer to her, kissing her lips once again. Hermione shivered and then she could feel his hands moving up and down her arms as he smiled down at her.

It was only after he kissed her neck and down her chest again before he positioned himself at her opening. He leaned over her and searched her face before he gently entered her, never taking his eyes off hers.

She gasped slightly and clenched up at first and he stopped moving around in her, patiently waiting for Hermione to get adjusted to him. She inhaled and exhaled quietly before she finally closed her eyes and became comfortable again. Draco took her actions to mean that she was okay again and then started to gently thrust in her, kissing her every chance he got just to feel her skin and make her know that this wasn't just pleasure for him, but her too.

Hermione lifted her hips up and moaned softly, finally feeling the pleasure that she was supposed to feel during sex. Her chest was tight as they thrusted against the other gently but the pressure in her test never lightened up as she looked up at Draco, occasionally meeting his eyes.

"C-Can I be on top…?" Hermione asked, half breathlessly, half hesitantly.

"Yeah, s-sure. No p-problem," Draco spoke, also nearly out of breath with anticipation. He held her close before he moved their bodies in smooth motions so that she was now on top of him, her knees on either side of his waist.

As Hermione looked down at him, the pressure in her chest eased up considerably and she felt much more relaxed now. Draco thrust upwards and she met his soft, gently thrusts for what had to have been at least half an hour before she started to feel a sensation in her suddenly burst. She moaned loudly and closed her eyes, seeing fireworks behind her eyelids as the ecstasy engulfed her body.

Beneath her, she could feel Draco's body shaking with pleasure in unison with her own and she held onto his waist, never wanting this combined connection to end with him. When it did, however, he moved them again so she could lie beside him and then pulled the covers over the both of them. She moved slightly so her head was on top of his chest and he stroked her sweat matted hair that clung to her body.

She lay there, listening to his heart beat rhythmically, amazed that she could ever feel such an explosive feeling. He continued to run his fingers through her hair, seemingly not caring that they were both covered in sweat.

"What was this, Hermione?" Draco suddenly asked after awhile.

She turned over and faced him, resting her head on her hand. "This was… me trusting you. I needed to feel safe and comforted and… you helped me feel those things."

Draco nodded slowly but looked a bit conflicted. "So… this was us having sex, as friends? Not anything more?"

"I care about you, Draco. I do… I just… I don't know. This was amazing… but I wasn't thinking 'I love you' while we did this. We're adults, and… we're allowed to do these kinds of things."

Draco turned over on his side and looked at her questioningly. "Do you feel like… I just used you, like Ron did?"

Hermione shook her head. "No, I don't feel that way at all. For some reason, it helped that you let me be on top and… I didn't feel like you were dominating me or anything," Hermione replied, still seeing the confliction in Draco's stormy eyes. "Do you find me attractive, Draco?"

"Yes, I do… you're beautiful, Hermione…"

She smiled softly and kissed his lips. "I find you attractive to, Draco. That's all it is right now though, is attraction. I want to love you, and…I want to make love to you some day, but for now, until that happens, I think that… it's just going to be us having sex. I know it sounds ridiculous and insane, but… this helps calm me. When we did this, all the anxiety and stress from Ginny and from Ron were just gone. We can be together, but… maybe in a friends with benefits sort of way…?" Hermione suggested hopefully, feeling like she was going crazy by feeling this way.

Draco searched her eyes once again but nodded in understanding this time. "Yeah, okay. That's fine, Hermione. Whatever you need me to be, I'm here for you. I'm not going anywhere."

She smiled gently and kissed his chin. "Thank you." After several moments of silence, she spoke again. "Are we still decorating the tree today?"

Draco placed his hand on Hermione's bare shoulder and then leaned in and kissed her soft, salty skin. "If you're still up for it. I think we should probably shower first though, what do you think?" He smirked playfully.

Hermione chuckled and stood up before reaching out for his hand. "Let's shower together."

Draco took her hand and stood up, leading her into the bathroom and helping her into the shower. The two cleaned each other until they both smelled of vanilla before they got out and dried themselves off. She watched as he got changed into a sweater and a pair of jeans before she walked out into the hallway and brought her suitcase inside the room.

"You get changed, I'm going to start a fire downstairs and bring the tree up from the basement," Draco replied before he kissed her wet hair and then left the room.

"Okay," Hermione said softly, not caring that he probably hadn't even heard her. She opened her suitcase and found her underclothes first and put them on before she pulled on her small jeans and a long sleeved shirt.

She grabbed her wand out from her suitcase and then walked into the bathroom, feeling grateful that no one had gotten a chance yet to snap her wand in half. Hermione waved it and felt her hair dry immediately before falling into place on her shoulders.

She smiled at her reflection, feeling free of Ginny and Ron at last. She was surprised at how well the friends with benefits conversation had gone with Draco, and was also grateful for his understanding. Hermione washed her face to distract her of the thoughts of this whole thing going array. What if after awhile, Draco thought that she was purely using him for sex, and that she didn't feel anything towards him at all? Of course that wasn't the case but what if Draco gets sick and tired of being used to make her feel better? She hoped against hope that everything would turn out alright with their situation, and even if it didn't, Hermione found herself promising that she would somehow make it right. More than she wanted herself to be happy, she also wanted happiness for Draco too.

* * *

><p><em><strong>I'm sorry if this was a relatively short chapter for you guys. It's late. I'll try and make up for it in the next chapter :) Please review!<strong>_


	3. Faults

Chapter Three: Faults

. . . 

Hermione felt conflicted as she looked at herself in the mirror in the bathroom after she made sure her hair looked somewhat tame. This wasn't right. What she had talked him into wasn't right. Draco was a decent person, no matter what he had done in the past, and she had talked him into a complicated friends-with-benefits situation with him. She was only now regretting these actions but didn't know if she could talk to Draco about it so she just pushed the regret down inside her.

"Hey, you alright?"

She glanced behind her in the mirror and saw Draco leaning in the doorway of the bathroom. Hermione smiled convincingly and nodded before she turned around and kissed his chin softly before she started down the hallway towards the stairs that led into the living room.

"I'll get the decorations and you get the tree, okay?"

"Sounds like a plan, Mia."

Hermione froze and felt her blood turn ice cold. She swallowed hard turned around in time to see him entering the basement. She waited until he came back up, carefully carrying a fake pine tree and he saw the frightening expression in her eyes. Draco leaned the tree up against the wall and looked at her.

"What's wrong?"

"What did you just call me?"

Draco rubbed the back of his neck, confusion in his grey eyes before he cleared his throat and stared at her. "I called you, Hermione. Isn't that your name?"

She shook her head and felt a tinge of anger inside her rise up out of the shadows of her heart. "No, don't you dare be patronizing right now, Draco. You didn't call me that. You called me Mia…"

Draco sighed and shook his head before he started to set up the Christmas tree. "No, I didn't. I called you Hermione. I know that _he _called you that. I know how uncomfortable that makes you."

She exhaled the breath she didn't realize she had been holding and silently went into the basement and grabbed the box of ornaments before she came back up and set the box down on the floor, her nerves on edge and confusion plastered on her own face at this point. Had she just imagined that Draco had called her by that name? What was happening? Hermione felt like she was starting to go crazy.

Draco put the tree on a stand before he turned to face her, seriousness in his eyes replacing the confusion that had been there moments earlier.

"I would never call you that… not when I know how much it upsets you," he attempted to reassure her, as if hoping that she wouldn't leave his house.

Hermione placed a silver ornament on one of the pine branches before she swiftly glanced over at him for a few seconds before turning her attention back on the decorating. "I-I know. I'm sorry, Draco. I just… misheard you."

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him bite his lip, unsure, as if he wanted to say something but also wasn't sure if he should at the same time. Like her, it appeared that he was also having his own conflicting thoughts. Finally, Draco grabbed the golden tinsel and began to lay it around the branches from the top to bottom as she continued to rest the ornaments on in silence. On one hand, Hermione felt grateful for the mutual silence; she felt like she could try and collect her own thoughts. On the other hand, she felt like he was upset at her for accusing him of such a stupid thing. It shouldn't even be that big of a deal, so why was she making it such? She could feel herself beginning to fall apart again.

The two decorated the tree silently until it was fully decorated. Hermione smiled weakly at Draco before she walked over to him and rested her hands on his hips and leaned into him, breathing in his smell. She faintly heard him sigh quietly but then felt his hands find her waist too.

What did she even want from Draco? What the hell did she want him to be for her? She knew that they had to talk about this and sooner was better than later. It was only fair to Draco to know where they stood with each other.

Hermione was about to open her mouth and talk when her words were replaced with Draco's own lips kissing her passionately. His arm enclosed on her body firmer and she went with the motions, his hands finding their way under her shirt now and then she came to the realization that this was what Draco thought she wanted right now. This thought made her heart ache slightly, knowing that he was letting her use him because he knew she was upset. This wasn't right at all.

Hermione turned her head away slowly and gently took his rough hands out from under a shirt before she gathered up the courage to look him in the eye. "Umm… we need to talk. I know that this is… immature of me, to do the friends-with-benefit thing. We can't do this."

Draco was quiet for a few minutes, absorbing this information. He ran his fingers through his blonde hair and took a few steps backwards before he started to pace.

"You told me you wanted this. You just… suddenly don't want this anymore? What happened between this morning and now?"

Hermione was afraid he would react like this. She should've just kept it inside. She swallowed hard and looked down, already missing his warmness. "I'm sorry, Draco. I… I don't know what I'm doing or what I want or… or how I feel. A part of me feels numb and none of this feels real because I'm safe, and I'm not used to this feeling. I just… I'm just as confused as you are about this. I thought I wanted to do it like this but… I know it's not fair to you."

Draco chuckled almost darkly, his face expressing his frustration at her flip-flopping. "You're right, it's not fair to me, Hermione… I'm the only one who's actually loved you while you were abused at Ron and Harry's hands and you still ran back to him!"

Hermione flinched at hearing their names and cringed at the facts that he had figured out. He really had been the only one who had loved her inside and out, through it all. "That's not fair… I had to go back to him, Draco! I loved you too! I still love you!"

"So why the hell did you want to do the friends-with-benefits shit if you loved me? That doesn't even make any sense! You date people you love, Hermione! You don't play with their fucking hearts and emotions!" Draco suddenly grabbed one of the golden ornaments Hermione had put on the tree and then threw it across the room before it shattered against the living room coffee table.

She shrieked and jumped when he did this, still unable to get used to any of the guys she dated throwing things near her. She didn't even know if it was something that anyone ever got used to. She could feel tears filling her eyes now, mostly out of fear that he would turn into Ron.

They both locked eyes and Draco appeared to deflate slightly when he saw her tear-filled honey colored eyes but he just gritted his teeth, his chest heaving with intolerable rage. Hermione had to get out for now. She would come back when he was no longer like this, but she couldn't be around him right now. She grabbed her coat off the coat rack and put it on when she felt a hand grip her arm.

"Where are you going?"

"O-Out… I-I'm sorry… I know that all of this… all of it's my fault but… I-I just need some air right now."

Draco's voice fell quiet for a few moments before he spoke again, his hand still on her arm. "If you love me, why are you leaving me?"

His voice sounded sad and heartbroken, and it pained Hermione to know that she had been the cause of both of these things. She looked up at him with sadness in her eyes. "I'm sorry, Draco… I don't deserve the things you think I do. I'm not a good person."

She felt him release her arm and then storm upstairs before she heard a door slam. Hermione was afraid to leave him but she was more afraid of hurting him anymore. She closed the front door behind her, unsure where she was going but just knowing she had to leave the house for now.

The cold air bit at her nose as she walked down the street towards Hogsmeade, the sidewalk dimly lit by the lights from the shops and an occasional streetlamp. She walked for about ten minutes before she realized what she wanted right now, as selfish as it was. Hermione walked into a pub and looked around for someone who might buy her a drink.

She was well aware how selfish, naïve and stupid this was but she considered it a form of self punishment for treating Draco so poorly and using him for her own selfish needs. She should've done this instead, she realized only now. It was self-destructive and she needed some self-destructive to stop her from feeling numb and confused.

"Hey there," a smooth voice greeted, instantly interrupting her own thoughts.

Hermione turned around and saw a boy she recognized from school, although by no means was he a boy at all. He was Draco's age and still at the school. He had also been one of Draco's close friends at Hogwarts. She didn't know him all that well but if he had been Draco's friend, then he couldn't have been all that bad.

She half-smiled, half-smirked when she saw Blaise Zabini. He smiled back and seemed to move in closer to her. "I heard what happened. I never trusted Potter or Weasley from the get-go, to be honest with you. Can I buy you a drink, Mia?"

Hermione shuddered at the nickname but was too depressed to get on his case about calling her that too so she hastily pushed it away. "You can buy me several, Blaise."

He motioned to the bartender and told him to get her a pint of beer before Blaise focused his attention on her, somehow having moved a bit closer to her. "You and Draco have a fight?"

She sighed and bit her lip, not wanting to think about it. "Let's not talk about that. Let's talk about something else. Have you seen Ginny around the school much?" Hermione asked curiously, wanting to know if Ginny had completely dropped out or if she had accepted what her brother and Harry had done to them.

Blaise ran a hand through his dark hair and placed his hand on her waist. "It's funny you should mention her. We're actually dating. I was the first person she ran to after you murdered her brother. Unfortunately, we're having a fight too. Maybe you and I could forget our problems together?"

On any other occasion, Hermione would have said no. She would have been angry that he was hitting on her while he had a girlfriend, and she would have went back home. She felt like she couldn't go back right now though; it was the point of no return. She wanted to forget him so she just nodded before taking a long drink of her beer.

Blaise wrapped his arms around Hermione and started kissing her neck. She closed her eyes, listening to the sounds of the pub and taking in the smell of cigarette smoke. Even though she knew was being foolish, she still had set her own limits of how far she was going to go. She took another long drink and quickly finished it before she could feel it already starting to go to her head.

Blaise then placed his mouth by her ear. "If you want to forget your troubles, I have something you might be interested in. A friend gave it to me."

Hermione drank the second pint that was placed in front of her and then turned around to look at him. "Oh, really? What do you have?"

He paid for her drinks and then took her hand before he pulled her almost roughly towards the front door of the pub and out into the cold before she could object. "It's at my dormitory at the school."

Having a couple of drinks in her was already clouding her mind but she really did want to forget about how much of a screw up she was, and the only solution to her was to just keep being a screw up. She had to punish herself. She let him pull her quickly towards the castle and once they had snuck inside, they made their way towards the dungeons to his dormitory.

Her heart was telling her not to do this, that it wouldn't help the situation with Draco, and that this was dangerous, but she couldn't turn back now. She was too far and Blaise was starting to be too rough. Hermione tried to pull her arm away from him as they entered his dormitory and suddenly, he pushed her so hard that she fell on the floor. Then to her horror, she noticed several feet surrounding her and looked up. A group of Slytherins surrounded her and she started to get a sick feeling in her stomach.

Ginny had done this. She had put Blaise and the others up to this. they were going to kill her right here. Even in the cloudiness of her mind, she knew that now was the time to leave. She didn't want to die, regardless of her need for self-destructiveness. Hermione tried to get on her hands and knees but as soon as she did, she felt one of them kick her face hard, sending her onto her back.

"Where do you think you're going, beautiful?" One of them chuckled darkly.

She could taste the metallic, coppery taste of blood in her mouth and panic raised in her. All of them started taking turns kicking her body now; making sure It was hard enough to leave bruises on her skin. As soon as she got the opportunity, she turned over and curled into the fetal position, tucking her head so they couldn't kick her face or stomach.

"Come on!" yelled an angry voice that belonged to Blaise. "I don't want her too bruised up that I can't find a goddamn vein in her fucking arm!"

Hermione couldn't figure out why Blaise would say something like that until four of them pinned her arms and legs down to the floor with their strong grip. Her eyes opened wide when she saw a needle appear. She couldn't believe this was happening. She struggled as violently as the alcohol inside her would let her but it wasn't any use. Blaise wrapped a band around her arm and hit her forearm hard before he took the needle and suddenly jabbed it in her arm and pushed down on the plunger.

She cried out but then instantly felt a euphoric sensation. She tried to fight it but her body and the drug wouldn't let her. Her eyes closed and her body relaxed before she succumbed and soon fell asleep.

OoOoOoOoOo

When she woke up, she had no idea what day it was or where she was until she looked around and saw an empty dorm room. Everyone must have gone to breakfast or class, leaving her there to rot or overdose, whichever they had planned. She instantly felt the painful aches on her body where they had kicked her the previous night. It was all she could do not to start crying. She suddenly remembered that her phone was in her coat pocket. She dragged herself into the bathroom with her coat and locked the door in case they came back.

She hesitantly dialed the numbers on the phone, her fingers shaking with fear and dread. The toilet seemed too far so she had to sit against a wall on the floor, trying not to take too deep a breath out of fear of pain.

_One ring._

_ Two rings._

_ Three rings._

_ Four rings._

Draco must have seen it was her on his caller ID. Then, when she had given up hope of hearing his voice, he finally answered.

"Hermione? Look, I'm sorry I scared you. Just… please come home?"

His voice was pleading and calm, almost on the verge of desperate sounding. She suddenly couldn't stop herself anymore as she started crying. The many events of last night, or the night before last, or whenever it was, had been too much. She could've been out for any number of days. She didn't know how the drugs she had been given worked. For some reason, it terrified her not knowing what day it was.

"H-Help…. please…. I-I'm so sorry, Draco… please come get me… I-I'm scared…."

"Where are you, Hermione?" His voice sounded like a mixture of worry and exhaustion.

She looked around, only vaguely remembering the night's events. Maybe her mind just couldn't take in everything and it was just too much that it blocked most of it out. "Umm… I-I don't know…. it looks like… l-like a dormitory…"

"Slytherin's?"

Hermione saw the green sheets and instantly recognized it. "Y-Yeah… oh my god..." Hermione suddenly remembered seeing Blaise and then everything came rushing back to her. The tears streamed down her face harder now. "Please c-come and get me before they c-come back…"

"Alright… hang tight, keep the door locked wherever you are. I'll be right there."

Hermione hung up reluctantly and felt a tightness in her chest. What if they had taken turns raping her? Just because she remembered them hurting her, that was before they drugged her. She didn't remember anything after that, like the day or what they did. Did they take advantage of her while she was in what they hoped was an overdose coma? This thought started to haunt her, but she didn't feel sore. The scariest thought she had, though, was that she had toxins running through her body that she didn't know what they were. She swallowed hard, praying that they wouldn't come back.

She still felt off; dizzy, tired… she knew that she screwed up by leaving with Blaise. How could she be so stupid? Her need for self-destruction had almost turned into her murder, which made her think of something else: had Ginny planned her death by overdose? Or did she plan for the boys in the dormitory to beat her to death? Either one was a pretty dismal thought but the more she did think about it, the more she realized that it would've been her own damn fault. Hermione felt herself shaking slightly, from what she didn't know. Maybe she was already withdrawing from whatever was pumped into her veins… had they really given her so much that she could already be withdrawing from it? Was that even possible?

"What did you do to her? Where is she?"

Her thoughts were interrupted by Draco's voice and a large thud against the wall. One of the guys must have entered the room while Hermione had been lost in her own questions and confusion. She shakily stood up and opened the door to see Draco pinning Blaise against the wall with his arm.

"I'm right here…"

Blaise glared coldly at Hermione but also looked surprised that she was still alive. Draco immediately released him but didn't move towards her, so she moved towards him instead as he glared at Blaise.

"I trusted you! Do you do this to all the stray women you find in pubs, Blaise? Have you stooped that low?" Draco asked in a dangerous tone.

"I hate to break this to you but whatever that little bitch told you was a lie. She murdered Ginny's brother and Potter in cold blood…"

Draco took a threatening step towards him, anger in his eyes. "What the fuck do you care? I know what she did already and I'm perfectly fine with it! What the hell do you care if Ginny Weasley's brother is dead?"

Blaise became quiet now but he didn't look all that scared. Hermione bit her lip and took a step towards Draco before she spoke up.

"They're going out," she replied softly, almost fearfully in case Draco was still mad at her. "She… she put him up to trying to kill me…"

Blaise's lips curved into a smirk and nodded. "Well I'll give you one thing, Draco… she's not at stupid as she looks - "

Just then, Draco brought his arm back and punched Blaise in the mouth hard, making a sick _thud_ sound as he did so. He placed one hand around Hermione's shoulders and looked at Blaise with dark, angry eyes.

"If you ever come near Hermione again, I'll fucking kill you, Blaise. I'll kill any one of your cronies who decide to try it… and I swear to you, that I'll kill Ginny if she tried it too."

Never in their time spent together at the school had Hermione heard Draco's voice so cold and threatening. It put the fear into her but she could only be grateful that he was threatening someone else and not her. Draco guided her out of the dormitory and started to lead her out of the castle, his body still somewhat tense.

"I'm really sorry, Draco…" Hermione said, almost inaudibly.

He walked with her down towards Hogsmeade in silence until they were almost at his house. He took her hand in his and looked at her with softened eyes. "I'm not angry at you. It was my own fault. I shouldn't have lost my temper…"

She felt safety when he placed his fingers between hers and she felt relief. "It was my fault too. It… It was stupid of me to walk out like that and… getting tipsy and… letting Blaise take me back there…"

Draco stopped walking and then examined her, looking mostly at her eyes. "How are you feeling right now? Do you feel faint or anything?"

Hermione was taken aback by the sudden change in subject but understood his worry. "A little… I feel pretty dizzy and I'm kind of shaky…"

He bit his lip and looked back at the castle. He really didn't want to risk Blaise, Ginny or anyone else who had it in for Hermione to kill her while they were in the hospital wing. Draco didn't want to deal with them anymore right now. He just wanted it to be over with. He finally looked back at Hermione and took her hand. The two felt the familiar and distinct sensation of apparition as they landed in an alley across from a Muggle hospital.

She looked at him questioningly. "Why are we outside of a Muggle hospital? Why not St. Mungos?"

Draco looked at her with an almost sadness in his eyes but didn't let go of her hand. "We need to get you checked out. I don't know what they did to you… you might need your stomach pumped, and… they wouldn't look for you here. Right now, this is probably the safest place for us."

Hermione felt her chest tightening with nervousness at the thought of being inside here. She needed to tell him the whole story and not in front of a doctor who wouldn't understand or would try to get her locked up for murder. As if he could read her mind, Draco wrapped his arms around her comfortingly.

"We can make up something. Just let me talk and go along with it, okay? We'll be safe and no one's going to take you away from me. I won't let them, Hermione."

She nodded against his chest and took in his scent again, filling herself up with it. She counted herself lucky that he still wanted anything to do with her after what had happened, after what she had let happen to her. Hermione needed Draco more than ever right now, and if doing this was going to make him feel better, then so be it. She was sick of disappointing him.


	4. Tests

Chapter Four: Tests

. . .

Hermione's hands were shaking as Draco sat beside her filling out paperwork for her so she didn't have to. Apart from the occasional question on the sheet, the two were relatively silent. She looked up at the television in the waiting room that showed the muggle news for the day. She found this highly unsettling; the news was painted with homicides and natural disasters and she was already worried about herself and the blurriness of unknown events from last night's events. She took a shaky breath and looked down at her hands.

Draco glanced over at her and sighed to himself before he looked back at the clipboard and continued to fill out the information. "This is ridiculous… I can't even write exactly what happened. You're going to need to explain it again, Hermione," he said in a nearly emotionless tone.

"Please don't get angry at me, Draco," Hermione almost begged, looking down at her hands as they sat in the waiting room.

He looked over at her with soft eyes, holding the clipboard in his hands and glanced around the room at the few other people that were waiting and then finally looked back at her. "I'm not. I'm not angry at you, Hermione. This whole thing was my fault in the first place. If we hadn't gotten into that fight, you wouldn't have run off and none of this would've happened. I'm just angry at Blaise, but not you. Okay?"

She didn't think she could have felt any worse than she already did but for some reason, him saying this didn't comfort her. Nevertheless, she nodded and forced a small smile.

"Good. Now… tell me what the last thing you remember is."

Hermione ran her hand through her messy hair and then felt a dull ache in her arm. She absentmindedly rubbed it and then took a slow breath. "I remember… someone… grabbing my arm and pushed a syringe into my arm… and then I felt this… incredible sensation and then I blacked out."

The scene flashed in her mind and she rubbed her forearm again. She knew it was a syringe from growing up with Muggle parents in the Muggle world but she wasn't sure what was inside the syringe, and this scared her the most. Her head was spinning but at the same time, she was also still feeling the effects from whatever was in it. She placed her hand on her forehead and leaned against Draco, watching him write her version of the incident.

When he was done, he began answering the following questions. He continued to stare down at the paper. "What are your symptoms right now, baby?"

"Umm… dizzy, tired… I'm hurting, but I think it could be from when they kicked me. I have a headache," Hermione whispered to him. "I feel really nauseous,"

She watched him scribble down her symptoms and when he was done, she spoke again almost inaudibly. "If you want to leave, you can. I'm not expecting you to stay with me or anything."

Draco looked at her in surprise and searched her eyes before placing his hand on her cheek, gently thumbing her skin. "Hermione, I'm not leaving unless you tell me to. I want to be here for you. I have no plans to be anywhere."

She smiled weakly, grateful that he was choosing to stay by her side through this, no matter how messed up it was. She went to move closer to him when she felt a sharp pain between her legs. Hermione bit her lip to hide any signs of pain as Draco stood up.

"I'll be right back. I'm just going to give this back to the receptionist."

Hermione nodded in acknowledgement and then looked up at the clock. It was already almost two in the afternoon. The dimly lit waiting room made it feel a lot later than it actually was. She watched Draco leave the papers with the receptionist and then suddenly walk down the hallway. Not wanting to be left alone, she stood up and quickly followed him, but made sure to stay a few arm lengths away. When she saw him turn the corner and then stop walking, she stopped walking too, staying on the other side, listening as he began talking.

"What the hell are you doing going out with Blaise Zabini? Has your brain been replaced by Goyle's? No, I only ask because your boyfriend just pretty much kidnapped and made Hermione overdose on God only knows what!"

She stayed as still as possible, instantly knowing who he had called and was talking to. She could only imagine what Ginny was saying back to him.

"I'm calling you because you are partly to blame for this shit! Do you realize that he could've killed her? Do you even care? No! Of course you don't, you selfish bitch! I know you and Hermione have your grudges with each other but this is going fucking overboard…"

Hermione wasn't really sure how to feel as he talked to her. A part of her felt apathetic and numb, but the other half of her felt angry that he didn't even tell her he was going to call her. She made sure her breathing was silent as she continued to eavesdrop.

"Your apologies mean shit to me right now, Ginny. You are just as low and pathetic as your goddamn boyfriend! You two are meant for each other," Draco said coldly right before he hung up.

He let out a growl of impatience and anger as he turned the corner, nearly knocking Hermione over. His face turned from angry to startled and confused. "Hey, umm… I thought you were waiting in the waiting room, baby…"

She searched his face, her anger gone now. She just wanted to feel his comfort and safety of his arms but she already felt weak enough without being clingy to add to everything else. "I was but… I thought you were going to come right back… y-you just… left me."

"I'm sorry, let's go back, Hermione," he took her hand and started back towards the waiting room when she stopped him in the hallway.

"Wait. W-Why did you call her?"

He wet his lips and took a deep breath. "I needed to yell at someone and I figured why not yell at someone who could've stopped him from doing this to you?"

The dizziness was starting to become worse but she was stubborn and wasn't going to back down yet. "Do you honestly think that yelling at people is going to make the situation better?"

"Well what do you want me to do? I thought I was just defending your honor!"

Hermione sighed heavily. "What do I want you to do? I want you to be with me right now, Draco! You told me that you were going to stay with me unless I told you to leave. I want you by my side! I need you!"

"Christ, Hermione, I was just down the hall! I didn't walk out of the hospital on you!"

She looked at him with hurt eyes and was about to say something when she heard a voice from behind them.

"Excuse me. Are you… Hermione Granger, miss?"

Hermione turned and looked at the young muggle doctor before she nodded. "Y-Yes, I am…"

The doctor eyed Draco and then looked at Hermione almost worriedly. "Hello, Miss Granger. I'm Doctor McKay. Would you like to come with me to the examination room, please?"

"Of course," Hermione looked at Draco unsurely as the doctor continued to eye him suspiciously. "Umm… can he come too?"

"Well as it's a full examination, I'd prefer you to stay in the waiting room and I'll come and get you when we're done, sir."

There was no room for argument as Draco just nodded and looked apologetically at Hermione before he wrapped his arms around her gently and whispered into her ear. "I'm sorry… I'll be here when he's done with the exam."

She watched him release her and then head back towards the waiting area as the doctor lead her into one of the empty exam rooms. She looked at him as he looked at her chart.

"It appears that you were drugged last night. I'm going to need you to take off almost everything except your bra so I can check you out to see what the damage is. The gown is on the chair and I'll be back in about five minutes. Any questions?"

Hermione had questions but she didn't know where to begin so she just shook her head and he smiled softly to her before he took his leave so she could get changed. She felt a brisk chill in the room as she undressed and then changed into the gown, feeling a lot more exposed now that she was last night. She could feel a tightness in her chest that made her just want to cry but she couldn't let herself do so just yet, especially not in front of this stranger. She sat on the bed with the paper roll on it, waiting for him as he walked inside and then washed his hands before putting gloves on and getting all the tools ready, many of which Hermione had never seen before.

"Why don't you slide back and place your feet in the stirrups and I'll make this as quick as possible?"

All she could do was nod as she moved her body back against the chair and hesitantly placed her feet in the cold stirrups, shivering slightly. She bit her lip and watched as he began to poke and prod her, occasionally making noises of pain and discomfort.

"W-What are you looking for?"

He wrote something down before he went back to her. "Any signs of tearing and… getting evidence."

"E-Evidence? Evidence of w-what?"

The doctor put his tools down and then placed a white cloth over her lap to give her some privacy, looking at her with an almost sad expression. "Have you been feeling… pain when you walk around, sweetie?"

She felt her stomach twist uncomfortably, like knives cutting her intestines. Suddenly, reality set in and she felt her heart stop. She recognized this pain. She's had this pain before. This time she couldn't stop the tears from filling her eyes.

"If… we collect the evidence, then you can press charges against the individual who did this to you. Would you like to do that?"

Hermione thought about this for a long time. She never wanted to see Blaise ever again and now that they were no longer at the school, they wouldn't be forced to. Now that she was of age, she could choose what she wanted to do. She swallowed back a sob and composed herself, glancing at the doctor.

"No, I wouldn't," she started. When she saw the doctor look at her in shock, she continued, trying to explain herself. "I just… want this to be over. I know who did it, I know why he did it, and… I don't plan on seeing him ever again so… no. I don't want to press charges."

The doctor nodded in understanding now but didn't move from his place where he sat on his chair. "It's understandable to be scared, Miss Granger. If you're one hundred percent sure, then… I can give you some painkillers later for the pain, and I'll just go on to examine the rest of you to make sure nothing's broken."

Hermione nodded and then briskly changed the subject. "I-I'm… really dizzy. Is that from whatever was in the syringe that I was drugged with?"

The doctor helped Hermione get her underwear back on before he propped her up and began using his fingers to look for broken bones, moving from her back to her ribs gently. "If you're feeling drained and your stomach hurts, my guess is that you were drugged with heroin. That's the start of the withdrawal effects. Dizziness is also a part of that. I'll take a blood test and we'll have the results of that in a few hours. After this, I'll move you into the Psychiatric ward of the hospital to keep you under observation and we'll see how you feel tomorrow."

"P-Psychiatric ward? I-I'm not… crazy."

Doctor McKay chuckled and smirked. "I know that, Miss Granger. It's just that… women in your position don't usually handle what happened to them very well. I'll be around to perform a couple simple tests to see how you are mentally and if I see you're not a danger to yourself then I'll release you tomorrow morning, I promise."

"O-Okay," Hermione replied, looking down at her hands again, accepting that she wasn't going to be going anywhere for the next twenty hours. She cried out in pain when he reached her stomach and she flinched away from him.

He searched her eyes. "Can you move your gown to the side for me, please?" When she did so, he knelt down to examine her bruises stomach, moving his fingers around to test the surrounding skin. "You don't seem to have any internal bleeding or anything, but you'll be bruised for a good couple of weeks. Do you hurt anywhere else?"

"No… I'm okay," she said softly.

"Alright, Hermione… I want you to hop off the bed and then wrap yourself in this blanket," the doctor ordered her as he handed her a medium sized fluffy blanket. He then walked over to the corner of the room that had a wheelchair and propped it up before wheeling it over to her. "And just sit down for a free ride."

Hermione slowly sat down in the chair and hugged the blanket around her small body, feeling a bit warmer now. She could feel her hands shake uneasily as she sat there in just a gown and a blanket, feeling drafts where she could do without.

"W-What will happen to my clothes?"

"I'll have a nurse bring them to you once you get all settled in the ward. We're just going to keep you under observation for a couple days and we'll give you some medication to help you detox all the drugs out of your system," the doctor answered.

Hermione swallowed hard, clutching her hands tightly to stop them from shaking nervously. "W-What about Draco? The man I came here with…?"

"Mr. Malfoy? Well, he's welcome to stay in your room as long as he doesn't interfere with the other nurses and doctors," he smiled softly. "Any other questions you have?"

She relaxed a bit but the thought of being confined in the Psychiatric Ward was painful and embarrassing. "How long will have to be here for? I really don't like hospitals."

"That's perfectly understandable, Miss Granger. I don't know many people who do, but it's safe to say that you'll be here for at least three days for observation and detox and… however much longer you want to stay is up to you," Dr. McKay explained as he wheeled her down the hallway where Draco was waiting for her. "I'll just leave you two so you can talk for a few moments while I fill out the paperwork. I'll be back shortly."

Hermione watched him nod to Draco and then disappear behind some nurses before she looked up at Draco who looked just as nervous as she was.

"You can leave if you want. You don't have to stay here –"

"What did he say?" Draco cut her off, kneeling down in front of her to meet her brown eyes.

Hermione wet her dry lips and looked down at her hands, still holding the blanket close around her body. "He says that there might have been heroin in the syringe Blaise pumped into me. I have to stay here for a few days to get it out of my system and… to be kept under observation…"

Draco nodded patiently as he listened to her, processing all of it. "Alright, that's fine. So we'll stay here until they let you go and… then we can go back home."

She bit her lip anxiously and sighed, feeling sorry for Draco. She didn't deserve him. He could do better. "Draco, please. I'm letting you off the hook. They have me staying in the Psychiatric Ward. They're afraid I'm going to hurt myself because of what Blaise did. You don't have to stay with me…"

"Stop it, Hermione. Just stop. If I didn't want to stay with you, I wouldn't stay. I'd walk out of this damn hospital, with or without your permission. I want to stay because I care about you and I love you!" Draco stood up and hovered over her now.

She nodded but continued to look down at her hands, feeling partially ashamed with herself. "Okay, then… I'd like it if you followed us to the ward once he comes back. I want you with me, Draco. I don't want to be there alone."

He searched her face and nodded understandingly before he leaned in and kissed her lips softly. "Did he say anything else?"

She wanted to tell him that Blaise raped her. That was one thing that he didn't know. All he knew was that Blaise had drugged her and they had kicked her body, but nothing else. She thought about spilling her guts but she felt pathetic enough in front of him. She felt embarrassed enough about what happened without adding insult to injury. Plus, the last thing she wanted was for him to overact and lose his head, taking out all his aggression on Blaise. She looked in his eyes and searched through the storm that seemed perpetually forming in those orbs and shook her head.

"No, nothing else. He said that you could stay in the room with me though."

Draco felt like there was something she wasn't telling him, and this feeling scared him more than anything, but she was feeling so vulnerable right now, he didn't think it was a good time to bring it up to her. He nodded, feeling like she would tell him in time when she was ready.

"All the paperwork is filled out and Hermione is officially a patient with us. If you'll come this way, please…" The doctor instructed to Draco as he started pushing Hermione down the hall again until they reached the Psychiatric Ward.

Hermione was silent as they helped her settle into the solitary bed in the whole room. Apparently she hadn't been deemed psychotic enough to share a room with another person in the official part of the ward where they had group sessions with the other patients. She ran her fingers through her semi greasy hair and tried to relax in the bed, watching the nurses bring in her clothes, leave, and then come back again to poke and prod her with needles, taking blood. After about half an hour, the nurses left and the doctor came back in with a glass of water and some painkillers.

"Take these, please, Miss Granger. It should ease some of your physical pain…"

Hermione glanced at Draco who was sitting next to her bed before she took the pills and greedily swallowed the water, just wanting to be out of the hospital already, and regretting even coming here in the first place.

The doctor eyed Draco and then looked at Hermione before he cleared his throat pointedly. "Mr. Malfoy… I have to discuss something with your girlfriend real quick, unless she says it's okay to tell you while you're in the room."

Draco raised an eyebrow and looked at Hermione before looking at the doctor. "What do you have to tell her that I can't listen to? I know everything that happened…"

Hermione felt her guilt increase and she looked at Draco. "Can you get me a bottle of water or something, Draco? Please?"

"What haven't you told me, Hermione?"

"Draco…"

"No! Tell me what you've told him, but not me… don't I have the right to know?"

Hermione thought about this for a few moments and knew he had a point and if he didn't already know what this was about, he was going to soon anyway. She took a deep breath, not wanting to tell Draco yet, not right this second.

"I'll tell you later, Draco. I promise…" Hermione looked at him pleadingly.

He felt his insides twist like he had swallowed knives. What was she keeping from him? Was she pregnant? What was going on? He felt worry fill him up but just nodded once before he took his leave, his hands grabbing gently at his hair, deciding to head towards the cafeteria.

Hermione looked over at the Doctor. "I'm… sorry about him, but… I know that it's also my fault. I should've told him but I really do plan to later. What did you want to say?"

The doctor looked at her with sympathetic eyes. "I just wanted to say that the tests will come back tomorrow and they'll say if… your attacker spread any diseases onto you, and if you will potentially be pregnant. If you are pregnant, then you can talk it over with your boyfriend and decide what you want to do."

"But… what if he used protection?" Hermione wasn't sure if Blaise knew about muggle protection. She knew they had enchantments for sexual protection in the wizarding world but only the tests would tell if he had used any protection spells in that area or not.

"Well… from the examination from earlier, there was evidence of what he did, so… there's a chance that as a result, you could become pregnant from what he left in you. I wouldn't worry though until the tests come back in 24 hours. For now, you need to just… try and relax and… maybe inform Mr. Malfoy about the situation," he replied as he exited the room.

Hermione could feel tears form in her eyes but didn't let them drop. She knew he was right; she had to let Draco know about Blaise raping her. She had wanted to tell him at home, though, not here where she was restrained to a section of the hospital and being kept under observation. He could come and go as he pleased, which meant that he could go out to hurt, possibly even kill Blaise, and she wouldn't be able to do anything about it.

When she watched him wander back inside with a water bottle in his hand, she was quiet until he took a seat beside her bed.

"We… we should talk," Hermione spoke in a soft voice, knowing that it was now or never.


	5. Lonely, But Not Alone

A/N: Okay so I'm finally coming back to this fanfic after leaving it AWOL for about a year. I hope there are still some of you out there who will read this. And if not, then I guess I'm just writing it for my own sake.

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><p>Chapter Five: Lonely, But Not Alone<p>

. . . .

Draco leaned forward in the chair, resting his elbows on his legs, his hands cupped together in a prayer display. He was feeling a plethora of different emotions right now and his brain couldn't work to put together words. Because of this, it had been nearly forty-five minutes since she had told him and he became silent.

Hermione looked at her with pleading, brown eyes. "Say something, Draco. Please…"

Draco didn't look at her but at the floor. "What do you want me to say?" he nearly whispered.

She shook her head, feeling frustration at his silence. "I don't know. Say _anything, _Draco. Yell and scream at me. Tell me how irresponsible I was. Tell me that this was all my fault! Just say something…" Her eyes had begun to fill with tears.

He cleared his throat and finally looked up at her with conflicting eyes. "You think this is your fault, Hermione?" Draco shook his head, chewing on his lower lip. "It's not. I promise. This is my fault and Blaise Zabini's fault, okay? I… I don't blame you for any of this."

Hermione couldn't stop the tears that had started to slide down her cheeks. She let out a soft hiccup. "W-Why not…?"

Draco leaned closer to her and gently thumbed away the hot tear before he cupped her cheek in his rough hand. "None of this would've happened to you if I hadn't lost my temper at the house. You wouldn't have run away, and then gotten drunk." He waited a moment before adding, "And you wouldn't have been raped."

She whimpered slightly, smiling sadly at him. Hermione knew she should've been grateful he wasn't angry at her but she blamed herself for all of it, and even Draco's reassuring tone couldn't reassure her otherwise. She deserved this. She had been the stupid one to get drunk with Blaise. She could've made a different choice but she _chose _that.

"Draco… I-I'm so scared. What do w-we do now?"

He continued to caress her soft skin with his fingers. "The results will be back soon. We'll know if he gave you anything and if you could be pregnant. Whatever happens, we'll deal with the consequences together. I'm not leaving you, okay? You're not going through this alone."

She nodded in understanding and then swallowed back a sob. If she was pregnant, Draco was going to _despise _her. He would think of her differently, she knew it. He wouldn't stay with her, and who could blame him, really? Hermione had already mentally prepared herself for him leaving.

"L-Lay with me…?"

Draco smiled softly and nodded. "Of course." He stood up and then positioned himself carefully on the bed, wrapping his arms around her so he was cradling her gently.

He watched as she closed her eyes but didn't sleep for the longest time. Draco gently ran his fingers up and down her arm affectionately, his mind fixated on Blaise, and all the horrible and gruesome pain he wanted to inflict on the man he had once called his friend. He soon fell asleep as soon as he watched her breathing steady to a slow, methodical rhythm, letting his heart beat the same as hers.

When he woke up, he saw the doctor standing at the front of the bed,, writing something on his clipboard. Draco rubbed his eyes and then gently shook her awake.

"Hermione, baby… it's the doctor. The results are back," he whispered, gently kissing her temple.

She groaned softly but opened her eyes and sat upright, eager for the results. Even if they came back horrible, it would be peace of mind to know exactly what she had and how they could fix it.

The doctor gave both of them an unreadable expression before he cleared his throat and sighed. "Well, it appears you were very lucky, Miss Granger. Your tests were negative for traces of semen as well as any STDs."

She let out a deep breath of relief and smiled as tears of joy escaped her eyes. She wiped them away quickly before she let out a nervous laugh. "T-Thank you…"

The doctor smiled at her and nodded once. "It's always a pleasure of mine to give good news when I can."

Draco let out his own sigh of relief before looking at the doctor. "So what happens now, with Hermione?"

The doctor drummed his fingers on his clipboard. "Well, she can stay here a bit longer, maybe talk to a psychiatrist about the attack, if she wishes, or… we can sign the papers and discharge her and you both will be free to go. It's up to her."

Draco nodded and looked over at Hermione. "What do you want to do?" he asked in a whisper, searching her eyes.

She looked down at her hands in thought. She didn't want to be in here longer than she had to. It seemed pointless in talking to a psychiatrist about something that already happened and couldn't really be dealt with without the authorities. She had already decided she didn't want him to be turned in. There wasn't any evidence that would hold up in court. It was just her word against Blaise's.

"I'd like to go home, please…" she looked up at the doctor.

"Very well. Draco can retrieve your clothes from the closet over there, I'll sign the papers for your release and as soon as you're ready, you can leave. However, I suggest that… you talk to someone about what happened. I realize I cannot force you to do this but in my professional opinion, I believe it could you…"

Hermione bit her lip and swallowed hard. She glanced over at Draco who was no longer looking at her but down at the bed and then she looked back at the doctor. "Can… I have a phone number or something where I can reach the psychiatrist at? Just in case?"

The doctor smiled softly. "Of course." He scratched the number down on the tests and took it off the clipboard before he leaned over and handed it to them. "We have copies of the tests in our files. You can keep that one and the number and name is right on top. Good luck, Miss Granger, Mr Malfoy. Don't take this the wrong way but I hope to never seen you in here again."

Draco chuckled weakly and nodding before the doctor walked out of sight, leaving the two of them alone. He looked at the number on the sheet before he stood up and retrieved Hermione's clothes from the nearby closet and placed them on the bed.

He watched as she also stood up and started to get dressed back into her proper clothes that looked like they had been cleaned since her arrival at the hospital. Draco's eyes lingered on the bruised skin on her back and felt his heart clench and his blood turn to ice in his veins.

Then, a thought occurred to him. Draco looked down at his hands as she pulled on her jeans. "So… do you still not want to do the friends-with-benefits thing?"

Hermione froze, mid button and then finished buttoning her jeans before she turned around to look at him, only half dressed. "I… I don't know what I want to do right now, Draco."

"Do you still love me?"

Hermione brushed her hair with her fingers before she put her wild curls up in a bun, leaving a few loose ones to hang down at the sides of her temples. How could she say she didn't love him? He helped her when she needed him to. He brought her to the hospital to get checked out. Draco stayed here with her the entire time. She felt like 'love' was too big a word for her to feel right now, though.

"I'm feeling a lot of things right now, Draco… I'm very grateful you brought me here and stayed through everything when you didn't have to. I owe you for that. I… was just drugged, beaten and raped, for the second time. I feel like I need some time to find who I am again before I can commit to the L word," Hermione searched his eyes, hating herself with every word she spoke.

Draco's demeanor stiffened and he was quiet for several moments before he looked up at her as she hovered over him. "Do… do you feel _anything _towards me? Do you… hate me or something?"

"I do feel something towards you, Draco. I like you, I like you a lot and right now I consider you my closest friend. I don't hate you. I don't resent you or whatever," Hermione said confidently. "I still want you in my life."

Draco didn't seem to like being just liked. Things had changed between them and for whatever reason, she no longer loved him. He set his jaw, trying to remain calm considering everything she had just been through. "Will you come back to my house? Or did you want to try to find your own place?"

The idea of being alone in a house terrified Hermione. "I know I have no right to ask but c-can I please come back with you? I really d-don't want to be alone right now."

He nodded and then handed Hermione her shirt. "Me either."

Hermione smiled weakly and pulled on her shirt before she got her shoes and socks on. Once she was ready, she sighed to herself, feeling weaker than she did before she ended up here. "Ready?"

Draco nodded and then took her hand before he disapparated them to the Manor. After opening it and walking inside, he closed it behind her. "You can go upstairs and shower if you want. I'll get a fire going and make something for us to eat."

She nodded in acknowledgement and started to ascend the long and elaborate staircase. Hermione could still feel the tension between them but at least he was still being nice to her. He didn't have to cook for her, not really. If he was really cross at her, he could've made her go into Hogsmeade to eat something.

She knew it was silly but she checked each room first to make sure there was no one hiding under the beds or in the closets before Hermione finally walked into one of the smaller bathrooms. She ran herself a hot bath, lit the white soothing candles and shut the lights off so the only light she had was from the window and the flickering flames of the candles.

Hermione undressed and then got into the tub before she pulled her legs into her chest. She closed her eyes and before she realized it, she was crying. The worst part was that she knew _why _she was crying. It had taken awhile to sink in but finally she realized just how violated she had been in the recent days. It had been her own fault, or at least that's what she had continued to tell herself. If she had never told Draco she didn't want to be friends-with-benefits, then he wouldn't have scared her and she wouldn't have run away. She deserved to feel this pain. She deserved everything.

Hermione held herself tighter before she grabbed a washcloth and started to wash her skin with the lavender smelling soap. She scrubbed hard, willing the sterilized smell of hospital out of her skin, as well as the grime and grit from the floor of Blaise's room. She scrubbed harder at the very thought of Blaise, and maybe worse yet, Ron. The two men who had managed to ruin her life, ruin her relationships with other men, ruin herself.

Hermione sobbed and scrubbed even harder at her arms and legs until they turned a bright pink, hating herself to her very core. She scrubbed at her skin until it burned and finally she stopped when she saw she had broken the skin in some places. She let herself sink under the lukewarm water now, feeling numb and angry at the same time.

Once she was completely submerged under the water, Hermione let herself scream as loud as she could, filling her lungs with water and closing her eyes tightly. She knew the water would muffle it enough that Draco wouldn't hear it from downstairs. She just needed to scream, to let out her fury and anger and complete rage at herself as well as the two men who made her regret they let her continue living. When she ran out of air, she forced herself above the water again and held her legs into her chest again, sobbing even harder than before. At this point she didn't even care if Draco heard her.

Sure enough, a few minutes later, she heard a knock at the bathroom door and then heard it open, unable to see it properly through her tears.

"Hey," Draco cooed softly, hurrying to her side by the tub. "What is it? What's wrong?"

She couldn't answer him. Hermione's body trembled unmercifully as she continued to wail with agony. She just shook her head before hiding it in her hands.

Draco gently caressed Hermione's slender back, unsure how else to calm her. He leaned down and planted a soft kiss at the top of her spine. He ran his fingers through her hair soothingly. It was when he had started doing this when she had begun to calm down a bit.

"You're not alone in this, Hermione. What you said before… about you being unsure if you can love me right now, it doesn't change the fact that I still care about you. I'd still do anything for you, regardless if you love me or not. No matter what, I still love you," Draco whispered in the dim light of the moonlight and the candles.

"Y-You can't love me… I'm… I-I'm so t-terrible," she whimpered through her tears.

He continued to stroke her long hair. "You're not terrible at all, Hermione Granger. You're smart, brave as hell, tough as nails, and you're strong. You're so strong, and I wish you could see that…"

"I'm not s-strong. I don't feel strong a-at… at a-all…"

Draco looked down at her bruises again and swallowed hard. "You've been through more than any woman should ever have to go through. A lot of people would rather… opt out of living, but you're still here. Your heart's still pumping, your lungs are still working. You're still alive. That's… really a huge thing to be proud of. I'm not going to say that I know what you've been through but I don't think that I could still be here if that happened to me. You've always been braver than me, though."

She didn't know why but his voice was so soothing, even if she didn't believe the words that were coming out. It was still soothing to hear his husky voice that sounded so reassuring. Hermione took several calming breaths before she eventually stopped crying. "T-Thank you, Draco."

He smiled to himself before he stopped stroking her hair and forced her to look at him. "I might have to reheat it now but dinner's ready if you're hungry."

She gave him a weak smile again. "I don't know if I can eat right now to be honest…"

Draco nodded in understanding and then thought for a minute. "Okay, then you don't have to eat, but I'd be honoured if you could just… keep me company while I eat maybe? It gets boring eating alone. You don't even have to talk if you don't feel like it. Just your presence would be nice for me."

Hermione couldn't lie; she really would rather be curled up in one of his four-poster beds, hiding from the bad men that had become monsters in her nightmares. She searched his eyes and saw the loneliness she felt. She still didn't feel strong alone but him being around her changed that a little bit. She only felt strong when he was around, when he could protect her. Maybe that was enough.

She nodded and then bit her lower lip anxiously before she unplugged the drain of the tub and grabbed her towel, standing up to dry herself off before stepping out. She didn't really care if he saw her or not. He had seen her naked before, and she trusted him. He was probably the only man in her life that she trusted fully right now.

Draco averted his eyes as she dried herself off, out of politeness. He walked over to the door and only looked back at her when she had wrapped the towel completely around her torso. He gave her a warm smile. "Your clothes are still here, of course. You can go get dressed and then come down when you're ready. Okay?"

She nodded and then walked quickly to the old bedroom they had shared together at one point. As she got dressed, Draco went back downstairs and placed his plate of homemade soup in the microwave to reheat it. He waited for the last _ding _before he took it out and placed it at a chair at the table. He pulled out a glass and then some orange juice before pouring it and placing it beside him.

Hermione came downstairs in a pair of pink sweatpants and a long sleeved shirt, both a bit big on her. She walked timidly into the kitchen and sat down beside Draco as he ate before she pointed to the orange juice.

"I-Is that yours?"

Draco shook his head before he swallowed his bit of soup. "I got it for you. If you're not going to eat anything, you should at least have some juice."

Hermione nodded, only now feeling dry and dehydrated. She drank the juice halfway down. "Thank you, for the juice."

Draco waved off the gratitude, seeing it as unnecessary. "You don't need to keep thanking me, you know. I know how you thankful you are. I don't want you to be afraid of me, Hermione. Is that it? _Are _you afraid because I lost my temper before? Are you afraid I'm going to do it again?"

Hermione took another drink of her orange juice to delay answering. When she couldn't think of an answer, she just shrugged.

Draco wet his lips. "I don't know what to say. I'm afraid to promise that I won't lose my temper again because… Merlin knows I inherited _that _from my father, but I can promise that I'll never hurt you if and when I do lose it. I know that's not promising a whole hell of a lot, but… it's a step. I just… don't want you to run away again if that happens. We both can't afford for anything else to happen to you. Can you understand that?"

Hermione thought for a minute and nodded, truly believing she could. It was silly for her to make him promise not to lose his temper again. It was how Draco was; he was hot-tempered just like Lucius. She knew he wouldn't hurt her and he hadn't given her a reason to think otherwise either. He threw a glass but he didn't have any intention on it hurting her, and she was smart enough to realize that. Hermione finished off the juice and then looked at him.

"Do you mind if I have some more?"

Draco shook his head. "No, no. Go ahead, Hermione. You're living here again with me. Remember that whatever's mine is yours. Help yourself to anything you need. You don't need to ask permission."

She smiled a bit brighter now and then stood up and grabbed the juice from the fridge before pouring herself another glass. After she sat own again, she became quiet, nonchalantly watching him eat out of the corner of her eye.

Draco soon finished his soup and then positioned his body in the chair to look at her, unable to help his smile from forming. She looked almost childlike in her slender beauty but he knew how damaged he had become from her last war. He just felt grateful that she wasn't pregnant. That was a thought he didn't want to imagine; Hermione being pregnant with Blaise's child.

He looked at her with curiosity, feeling like he was seeing her for the first time, all over again. He must have been staring at her with such admiration for some time because she only stopped drinking her orange juice to peer over the glass at him.

"Do you see anything you like?"

Draco chuckled and smiled brightly before he teasingly shrugged. "I don't see anything I don't like."


End file.
